I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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