My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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