Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
