i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I party with great urgency now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
