I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
