I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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