the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need a beard to bite.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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