I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
