Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
