WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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