is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
