Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
