laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize