I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
