my mouth tastes like poor choices
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
