Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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