I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
