so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
