I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
