and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
