"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
