This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize