you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
