im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
third nipple confirmed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
