I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
