I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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