I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
