I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
