It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
babies were throwing up all over the place
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize