Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
