they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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