I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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