Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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