Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize