last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
