So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
