Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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