Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
