Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize