Swine flu. Run for my life!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is it penis luge time yet?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize