i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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