Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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