doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
