can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
