I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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