i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
