I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
