I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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