So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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