I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
