Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
