At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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