I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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