I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize