I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
