I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize