We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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