Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
