Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
