hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
