did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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