Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
