Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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