You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
is wine microwaveable?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
