positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
