Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
