3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
