I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
