very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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