I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
