oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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