I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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