Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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