party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
