took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
