I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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