sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
