I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
