we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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