it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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