We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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