my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize