I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
