i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
