Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
