break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
