so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
