If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
