I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
