oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
birth control should be required to get into college
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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