My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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