butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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