so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
